Change is coming

Baby girl is due exactly 2 months from today and I am so unprepared!  I am really ready to hold her and cuddle her and introduce her to her big brother and welcome her into our family.  I am not ready when Jason starts being winey and not telling me what in the world he wants and I can't fathom how I am going to work with him when I am trying to take care of a newborn at the same time, on very little sleep at that.  We are not at all ready in that her nursery is still a very full office.  I told Jeff he had until the end of February to move the office out and the nursery in and maybe it is just the nesting instinct, but I am so restless to get started on making a room for baby!  There are some really good reasons for waiting, one of the better ones being that we don't really have a room for the office so it will just be taking over half of the living room, but it doesn't mean I'm not restless. 

I took this restlessness out on Jeff a couple of days ago.  I found a really great short term deal on an expensive double stroller.  It is the one I have had my eye on for a while, but we had agreed it was too much to spend on a stroller that we might not be using that long since Jason already resists being contained in a stroller.  In a year we hope he will be willing to walk beside us and behave.  When I saw this stroller at about $100 off I called Jeff before making that big of a purchase, and he said no.  I understand his reasons for saying no, but I don't like it.  I worry about being homebound and unable to take both of our children out because I can't chase Jason and carry or push Elizabeth, but we will figure it out. 

Then later that night I was changing purses because mine is falling apart and tried to put all my stuff in an old purse I was planning on using after baby girl was here to lug all of our gear.  It was way smaller than I remembered, or maybe I just carry way more than I realized.  Either way I started noodling around and went back to looking at a diaper bag I wanted early on in this pregnancy.  It is kind of pricy and Jeff talked me out of it before and I figured I could just make due with one of the many bags we already have.  Again, when I heard Jeff say no I was a little disappointed.  There were not the happiest of words exchanged in our house that evening, but the next day I analyzed why I was being so gimmy gimmy grabby and I think part of it is the fact that buying stuff was one way for me to feel more ready for this baby to get here.  I still want those things, but I know that as long as this baby girl is welcomed into our home with love it will all be okay.